you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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