can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
