Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
