this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
