Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.

Fav 9 1081 3351
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?

Fav 17 848 4989
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(408): View more from California

i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight

Fav 19 4267 899
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me

Fav 45 8324 1532
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(469): View more from Texas

Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life

Fav 15 1041 5183
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(719): View more from Colorado

He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet

Fav 7 3039 1133
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(601): View more from Mississippi

And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.

Fav 8 2785 1163
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(256): View more from Alabama

No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.

Fav 3 1093 487
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.

Fav 8 52 243
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