I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
