Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
