Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Vodka?
Forever.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
