i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
