Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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