im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
