I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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