I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
