So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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