i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
