It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
