I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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