On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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