I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
