I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
