Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
