shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
