I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize