I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
