he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
