i was born a porn star she said
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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