Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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