the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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