Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
