This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
