I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
