Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
