people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
