Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
