There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
