It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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