I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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