Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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