I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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