Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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