i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
