Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
