also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize