My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
