I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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