you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
