I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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