ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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