Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
