I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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