this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
