Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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