It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
