Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
