i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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