Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
