C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
