im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
