I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
