Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
