i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
