mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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