I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
