if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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