I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
