having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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