Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
