dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
