So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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