I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Someone came in the potted fern
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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