Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
