Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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