Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
