ugly people sure do ruin things
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
