I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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