i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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